A tiny planet-shaped stress ball which crumbles and oozes warmth if you squeeze it.
A thirty-two-ounce water bottle that plays a little fanfare whenever you place it down.
A hard rubber massage ball that feels like it’s covered in tiny shards of glass whenever you roll it on a tight muscle.
A real pen from pen island. I’m serious.
A packet of laundry detergent that always reappears at the bottom of your hamper.
A blanket that tucks itself in around you at just the right places.
A little glass rainbow necklace that glitters when you smile.
A beautiful white origami rose that blooms, dies, and blooms again.
A pair of white six-sided dice whose pips sometimes wink at you.
A budget-friendly 52-card pickup deck. Too cheap to pick itself back up, but at least the cards stand up for you.
A teddy bear that’s totally normal, except that it knuckles make a cracking noise whenever the dog gives it a funny look.
A startling marble the old woman called “an eye of a tiger.” You feel fierce when you hold it.
A sorrow-inducing two-liter bottle of Pepsi. It’s the only thing to drink. You feel just wretched when you look at it. “Pepsi ok?” You thought it was, but now…
A mannnnnnnnnnnequin. Sorry, a mannnnnnnnnnequin. A mannnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnequin. Whenever your gaze passes it, the world seems to slow down and you can’t focus on anything else.
A packet of grey powder labeled “tinnitus dust.” Once it gets into your sinuses, you can hear it for days.